You are only human! Hell, most people love sex and mid-30’s is no time to be missing out. It is normal and natural to want heterosexual sex. You are not the first person in a relationship to want different sex than what is on offer and still love your partner. But what to do? So you have a best friend! It sounds like you want to stay with your partner in some capacity because of how well you get on and how much you love her. Could you (both) just accept being “best friends” (perhaps with or without snuggles and lover indulgences) but other significant sexual and emotional relationships? Would jealousy get in the way? How would you both cope with this? Have you talked about it? If that doesn’t sound good then do you want to be in a relationship with each other and you get extra benefits? Do you want to come home to your best friend and snuggle and cook dinner and be domestic but have a hot lover on the side? But a couple of things need to be considered. STI’s, safe sex and pregnancy for one and then secondly and just as importantly emotional intimacy. In my opinion emotional relationships more significant than the one with your partner is much worse than sexual relationship. Can you just have a fun fling on the side? You say you both know what needs to happen… then talk about put in some ground rules, make peace, love each other do what needs doing. There is no point living a life unhappy or discontent because you can not step over the threshold of a hard decision.
Because it’s been so much bout him I just forgot to listen to myself
Hi JanC, thank you for your reply. I hope you see this because for some reason I couldn’t click reply on your comment, but oh well. I feel bad talking about my boyfriend in this manner, but it does feel good not to feel alone anymore and I’m lucky to have found this site after searching for such a long time. My pride didn’t let me at the time but I wish I would have went to see a therapist a long time ago, and I’m still thinking about seeing one but it feels like a lot to do and I’m not sure that I need it anymore. A therapist isn’t the same as talking to someone in a similar situation as ours, but I think they deal with similar matters more often than we think so it could be a good thing, and it’s nice to talk to someone if not only for advice but to get different perspectives on the matter.
That is okay, and there are other people who do that
Since I broke down and almost left him I have taken myself more seriously, asking myself what I really want all the time. I definitely love my boyfriend, and I cursed it before but I think living apart from each other has been good for us, at least for me I feel like I needed space to sort out my feelings without him there questioning it, you know? And he seems happier every time we meet as well. I think my heart is finally grasping what my mind has known all along, he is not a different person and he is not a boy. It’s not that I fell in love with a boy who just decided to change into a woman, he’s been a woman (or something between a man and woman because he isn’t sure yet) all along.